My dearest BFF, Congratulation :)

Since I still can't share this good news verbally with anyone else, just yet, so I couldn't help myself from writing it here hehehe

My dearest friend my sister my company and my everything is expecting another 'qurratu a'yun' in her life. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee and I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo happy for her. Alhamdulillah tsumma Alhamdulillah. Knowing her as a person who love kids sooooo much, I am greatly joyous with the news :)

But now I started too worry about almost everything about her. I am afraid that she couldn't consume any food as she might started to be nauseous. I'm thinking about how she will feel when she brush her teeth as she sometimes vomit. I'm started to feel cautious when she is outside anywhere in the food court as she can't compromise with 'bau menumis'. Maybe she can't even cook for few weeks. Oh my, what is she going to eat? !@#$%^&*()

The thought goes on and on. Can she sleep? Will she be OK when her eldest son is clinging on her? Can she cope with her headache and back aches? Can she enter class and bare with the noisy kids? Can she climb up the stairs while feeling dizzy? The list goes on and on................

OK STOP!

Worry, that is what people feel when she can't expect things that is coming.
Worry is a feeling when we can't control the output and generate things the way we wanted it
Worry, is a symbol of love
Worry is a sign that you trully care for someone

When you (read I) are in this state of emotion, we need to learn to control it and might want to try to stop thinking. Take a deep breath, and believe that He, the All Knowing, The Best Protector is taking care of it for you. Allah, The Best Guardian is guarding her through any means. and that is Tawakal my dear. and itu urusan hati

And thus, pray fatihah dear, as Allah is there for you and her. And He will take care of her and her future baby. When Allah brings you to it, He will definitely brings you through it.
May Allah give her strength and good health and survive this exiting coming 9 months.

That's why Rasulullah saw teach us to read this dua' in our everyday mathurat

And my dearest BFF,
just so you know that I am extremely happy with the news,
I just couldn't wait to go throught this exiting journey with you and take care of you
And for this coming 9 months and more months coming, may we stand and be there for each other, through thick and thin, as I love you so much
And maybe this year, we will celebrate your birthday with the five of us. Maybe going to some nice places and take great photos (Is this too much ?? Hehehe)
But seriously, I just couldn't wait to see you and hug you tightly congratulating you personally :)

DENGAN NAMA ALLAH YG DENGAN NAMANYA TERPELIHARA SEGALANYA SESUATU YANG DI BUMI DAN DI LANGIT DAIPADA SEBARANG BAHAYA. SESUNGGUHNYA DIALAH YANG MAHA MENDENGAR LAGI MAHA MENGETAHUI - 3X

YA ALLAH, AKU BERLINDUNG KEPADAMU DARI RASA SEDIH DAN GELISAH,

AKU BERLINDUNG KEPADAMU DARI RASA LEMAH DAN MALAS

AKU JUGA BERLINDUNG KEPADAMU DARI SIFAT PENGECUT DAN BAKHIL SERTA DARI CENGKAMAN HUTANG DAN PENINDASAN ORANG - 3X

On Trauma - First time driving in NZ

Mungkin ramai yang pernah mengalami perasaan trauma ini. Ada yang gerun dengan cicak dek kerna pernah di'serang' cicak suatu masa sulu. Ada yang trauma dengan durian, kerna pernah makan durian sampai demam muntah-muntah, dan ada juga trauma dengan study group, sebab pernah dapat markah yang teruk dalam peperiksaan kerana study beramai-ramai sebelum peperiksaan.

Namun, trauma ini tidak bakal berlarutan sekiranya diatasi. pernah suatu ketika saya membawa kereta di New Zealand. Itu kali pertama saya membawa kereta di sana. So adalah terbawa-bawa cara pembawaan Malaysia lagi. Waktu tu, saya di suatu kawasan pekan, dan saya adalah kereta pertama di traffic light tersebut. So bila nampak jek hijau, maka memang dah terbiasa tekan minyak kuat sikit and adalah meter saya 80km/h (jek pon), maka saya tak adalah rasa bersalah sangat sebab memang tak laju (kalau compare dengan Msian speed kan). Tanpa saya sedari ada sebuah kereta polis dari arah bertentangan. Hati asalnya cool jek, tapi bila tiba-tiba kereta pak polisi tu bukak siren kereta, hati saya terus berdegup kencang. "oh kenapa plak ni". Imagine, pak polisi tu dari arah bertentangan asalnya tiba2 buat U-turn dan follow saya dari belakang. "Allahu rabbi, selamatkanlah aku". Apa yang menambah ketakutan saya is, saya bawa kereta housemate saya, dan pada waktu tu dia ada disebelah saya sebagai Co-D. Tambah lah satu lagi perasaan bersalah.

Pak polisi meminta saya memberhentikan kereta dan meminta lesen memandu saya. Dia mula menulis sesuatu di atas kertas. Saya lihat dia 'tick' bahawa saya melebihi had laju. Saya dalam ketakutan cuba mempertahankan diri saya, saya berkata padanya, "Sir, this is my first time driving in New Zealand. I didnt know that this area is condsidered as 50km/h area". His answer stroke my heart, "If I were to drive in your country, I will make sure that I know the rules and regulation before I hold the steering and attempt to drive". **gulp**

dengan pasrah, surat saman itu saya ambil, dan kami memandu pulang. Ya Allah alangkah terkejutnya aku melihat nilai yang perlu di bayar akibat melebihi had laju itu. Sebagai pelajar wang adalah suatu yang amaaaaaaaatttttt bernilai. Berada di negara orang, kena saving untuk tiket balik cuti summer, duit sewa rumah pulak mahal. Di Malaysia, kita bayar sewa rumah by month kan, tapi di New Zealand, sewa rumah dibayar weekly dan sewa seminggu untuk rumah all furnished 2 bilik dilengkapi 1 bathroom adalah NZD600. Jadi sebulan kena spend NZD2400 untuk rumah dan kalau kongsi berdua memang azab lah kan, jadi kami kongsi ber 4. Dan untuk bulan tersebut expenses saya lebih NZD400 untuk bayar saman :(

Duit boleh dicari, rasa tak kan boleh dibeli. Itulah yang saya selalu kata pada diri saya. Isu saman itu bukanlah tentang duit sebenarnya sebab itu memang denda yang harus dibayar akibat kesalahan yang dibuat. itulah pujukan terhadap diri sendiri. Namun saya rasa bersalah dengan housemate saya yang kerana saya dia telah di dimerit (oh di NZ, setiap orang akan di dimerit jika melakukan kesalahan. Jadi jika mereka di dimerit hingga 0 merit maka lesen akan di gantung).

Semenjak hari itu saya memilih untuk tidak memandu lagi. Saya mengelak dari memegang steering, terutamanya kereta milik orang lain, lebih utama milik insan yang saya kenal, risau terjadi apa-apa lagi. Hal itu berlarutan hingga beberapa bulan juga. Hinggalah suatu hari rakan saya memaksa saya memandu. Saya berdegil dan menolak ajakannnya, namun kata2nya cukup melegakan,

"Maka bukanlah kamu yang membunuh mereka, akan tetapi Allah jualah yang menyebabkan pembunuhan mereka. Dan bukanlah engkau (wahai Muhammad) yang melempar ketika engkau melempar, akan tetapi Allah jualah yang melempar (untuk membinasakan orang-orang kafir), dan untuk mengurniakan orang-orang yang beriman dengan pengurniaan yang baik (kemenangan) daripadaNya. Sesungguhnya Allah Maha Mendengar, lagi Maha Mengetahui. [Al-Anfal:17]

Meaning to say, tho we are the one who actually who hold the steering and drive the car, it is not us who make the car move. We are just there as the mediator and everything happen is because of Him and upon His will, not us. Hence why we need to restrict ourselves from doing any good? We just need to try and do as much as possible good deeds along the way. If something happen and it fails, believe that it also happen upon His will. ad at least may Allah reward our efforts on trying to do it :)

Alhamdulillah, those words has been my motivation till now. But something that I couldn't help myself is that to feel nervous whenever I saw a police car. One day, I was on a trip to Rotorua and at the passenger seats are my juniors.Suddenly a police car happen to drive on the opposite road and as I was talking happily, suddenly my mouth shutted and I could feel my heart is suddenly pumping so fast. I couldn't speak a word for at least five minutes.

The same thing would happen whenever I hear the siren from police car. Am I experiencing trauma? Sampailah saya balik Malaysia, saya akan terkedu setiap kali saya mendengar bunyi itu. Mujurlah kalau saya sedang memandu, kaki saya masih menekan pedal minyak dan mampu mengawal steering, cuma jantung jek jadi tak keruan.

That was back in 2009. And alhamdulillah, now I am all fine. Selepas memaksa diri lagi dan lagi untuk terus memandu walau siren itu berbunyi, lama kelamaan diri akan immune dengan bunyi itu. Seolah-olah badan kita telah membina antibodinya yang tersendiri untuk melawan rasa itu:)

Alhamdulillah tsumma alhamdulillah. Itulah pengalamankan. Selepas itu, memang selepas nampak signboard 50km/h, saya akan terus perlahankan kereta. Memang berdisiplin di bumi tuhan NZ itu, tapi balik Malaysia akhirnya semua disiplin pemanduan itu hilang entah ke mana. hewhew

Sekiranya anda memandu di NZ, anda diingatkan untuk
1. sentiasa mematuhi had laju (di pekan 50km/h, di highway 100km/h)
2. sentiasa memakai seat belt. sekiranya anda gagal berbuat demikian, bukan driver yang akan di saman, tapi penumpang yang berkenaan
3. sentiasa parkir kereta dikawasan yang dibenarkan sahaja. Jangan suka-suki parkir macam di Malaysia, nanti anda nak g amek kereta, kereta anda telah di tow (pernah rasa jugak yang ni)

Memaafkan itu Kata Kerja

Aku sering berkata pada diri, "siapa aku untuk tidak meaafkan insan lain. Sedang aku bukan siapa-siapa padanya. Sedang Allah pemilik hakiki diriku juga masih memaafkanku meski bergelimang dosa yang aku lakukan. Sedang Allah, Tuhan yang meminjamkan aku dengan segala nikmat dan kehidupan ini masih meaafkan aku yang alpa dan hina. Maka siapa aku untuk tidak memaafkan orang lain, sedang Tuhannya juga memaafkan dirinya"

Dan memaafkan itu datang dari hati, dan hanya hati. Bibir mudah mengatakan maaf, namun adakah kita memaknakan maaf itu?

Sebagai guru, kita tidak punya hak untuk membenci pelajar. kerana mereka masih belajar. dan memang fitrah seorang pelajar untuk melakukan kesilapan. Maka mana mungkin seseorang itu akan belajar tanpa melakukan kesilapan?

Ada seorang murid dalam kelas ku. Tidaklah dia berbuat hal denganku secara langsung di dalam kelas. Namun kerna aku guru yang menjaga hal ehwal disiplin, maka aku tidak boleh lari dari menegur, menegaskan beberapa peraturan maktab. dan sebagaimana biasa pastilah ada pelajar yang akan menarik muka, membalas mulut. And that kid, this year, was fated to be in my class. Subhanallah,betapa berat untuk aku melangkah ke dalam kelas itu setiap kali. Aku perlu memujuk diri setiap kali ingin menapak kedalam kelas itu. dalam pertemuan pertama tahun ini, tanpa tidak sedar, aku melarikan mataku, mengelakkan diri dari memanggil namanya. "Ya Allah, teruknya cikgu!" seharusnya sikap dan perasaanku tidak diketahui olehnya. Maka kupujuk hati ini untuk memanggil namanya, untuk melihat kerjanya di dalam kelas. Kerna bukan dia pelajarku.

Dan benarlah, maaf itu adalah kata kerja. Bukan sekadar tutur kata dibibir, namun perlu dimaknakan melalui perbuatan. Makin hati ini membenci sesuatu perbuatan yang baik, maka makin perlu kita memaksa diri untuk melakukannya. Kerna disitulah mujahadah untuk menegakkan akhlak islamiyah. Ayuh biarkan syaitan itu menangis kekalahan kerana mujahadah kita. Meski tak seberapa, namun, Allah Maha Tahu betapa kita mencoba.

#On Friendship

and time just flies without you realizing it. Just to spend time together and enjoy a cup of coffee is all you need. And if you do not have the opportunity of that, a simple phone call just to hear her voice is heart soothing. And if she is out of reach, you know that God hold her heart and lets hug each other in your dua'. Cause the One who hold our heart, time, thought and peace is HIM the Almighty.

A short visit by ex-student

We had a short visit from our former students. unexpectedly there are a group of 60 students came by. What a surprise and it was a huge effort to be able to gather your friends all around Malaysia. it was refreshing and I am soooo happy to see their faces. Furthermore they are the first batch that taught when I first became a teacher. So it was from them that I learn and experiment things.

it is funny when they still remember my tone in class, how I walk and talk in class. That boy vividly mimic me 'when you see a triangle like this' and Oh my, I was laughing like crazy. I was like, "are you serious that is how I talked back then". And they say, it is your way of talking. Oh yes, they actually started recalling everything when I answered 'baiklah' to one of their question. And listening to my baiklah, they were suddenly laughing. I was like, why on earth are you laughing? and they say, 'teacher that is your way of talking. it is your signature' *jaw dropping*

And suddenly they were recalling another event, "teacher do you know there was a teacher who would check on our nails every Friday? "show me your kuku, haaaaaaaa panjang" then the teacher would use her marker" and again I was laughing. "bad boy!!"

Subhanallah, that was the beauty of being a teacher. Despite of your workloads, your syllabus to be finished and your datelines waiting, it is the kids that add up some spices to your life. Sometimes you have to realized that, it is not the mathematics knowledge they remember most about you, but what did you do that change themselves or maybe what impact you live on them. It is how you touch their heart and get conneccted to them. When I reflected back, I am not that 'garang' with that class. But strict, yes!. I think the key is, JUST BE YOURSELF.

But as a teacher, there are few things that we always need to reflect and refresh
1. How impactful we are to our students?

2. Are we there only to teach the subject content and not educate them with good attitude, manners, self believe?

3. Do we INSPIRE our kids to be a better person especially a better muslim?

4. Are we a good MODEL to our students? Do we speak nicely, standing properly, act accordingly?

Because, in the end, they are our gems, our rantaian pahala when we are no longer here on this earth.

and Last But Not Least, ISTIQAMAHLAH

When they were doing some flashback, I feel bad about myself. Those are what I did during my first year of teaching. I use English in class, I tried to do something more than maths teaching in that 40 minutes. But what is happening to me at my fifth year of teaching? :(
Thank you Allah for bringing them and let me refreshed whom I was before. Sometimes, that is why you need to reflected back how you started your journey. It was when you are at your best, you are all focused and you have your target. Maybe, after years, it had become a routine and you just repeat what you have done, and it will be PLAIN.

Go back to how you started, then Insya Allah, you will be refreshed.
Thank you Allah
Thank you students :)

Jauh

Sometimes time seem to be moving so slow
Especially when you are waiting for something
'Penantian suatu penyeksaan', yes indeed!

Mengapa mengharap kemaafan sedang diri berdosa kepada Pencipta,
Kenapa mengharap dimengertikan jika kau sendiri sukar memahami hikmah dsebalik kejadian

Benarlah sabar itu sukar kerna yang jauh itu kelam warnanya.
Pasti manusia memilih utk bersabar dan memaafkan andai syurga itu jelas di depan mata.
Pasti manusia itu berdiam diri menahan kepahitan andai tampak pahalanya hilang saat mulut mengomel tak henti
Pasti manusia itu syukur dengan ujian diberi andai kelihatan bayang bidadari di pelupuk mata

Dan benarlah sabar itu sukar kerna redha itu jauh di hati
Wallahualam

Relaxation time??

Being warded for the first time ever in 29 years time. It was a mix feeling. I had been throwing out since 9 am yesterday and continue to do so till 8 pm. I thought i could handle it well. But since i had almost nothing in my stomach while my breath is short than usual and my body aches.

Tho i can still feel my baby is moving fine, but i am still worried about me. Normally i am ok (tho not completely fine) after i throw out once. But it has been 5 times and it is still not getting any better.

After convincing myself, i went to the hospital last night. After the staff know that i am 30 weeks pregnant, they immediately asked me to go to labour room. I was like, "err errrr".  Then all the three nurses examine me using ECG just to make sure my heart is working well, then they took 2 blood samples, some urine test and baby's heart beat just to make sure little me is doing fine. I am not expecting that much test for a very simple case. Alhamdulillah all tests give good result exept for my urine test. Quite expected as i didnt drink much water that day as everything i consume ended up in the toilet bowl.

Hence, i was adviced to be admitted. Hence my dear friends out there, make sure that you drink lots of water, especially plain water. It would affect your baby's health and also yours.

Hell0 MorN!nG

This kitty is now 1 year and 9 month old. She has been accompanying me since april. She was initially planned to be a presented as a gift, but the plan is change. Hence i bought pokemon instead to that little newborn :)

It is so nice to have a comfort pillow that you can hug and lie on. Being me, i am not a girl grown up surrounded by pillow all around and played with barbie doll, maybe that is why i am being independent enough. I am able to sleep without dependg on the presence of my pillow. Sounds silly, but i think it does give a little contribution to it.

Hence, in hostel, i dont allow my girls to have those soft toys on their bed and 'rapatkan katil' at night. I want them to be independent, not to be scared and train themselves to survive in whatever situation, alone.

It sounds petite, but it does help :)

Im blessed!

To have someone who always worrying about you is trully a blessing, a huge one indeed!!

Ya Allah, dan limpahkanlah kebahagiaan dunia dan akhirat untuknya, dan kurniakanlah dia kasih sayang seluruh penghuni di langit dan bumi. Kerna die amat menyayangi ku ya Rabb, ya Rahman, ya Rahim